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The 5 Most Common Mistakes People Make in Love Relationships

February 15, 2011

What is a love relationship? Any relationship where there is love and/or caring feelings. And the mistakes we make run the gamut - whether with a husband, a wife, a partner, a friend, a parent, a sibling, etc. These are the 5 most common mistakes that can degrade a relationship.



Mistake #1 We over- caretake. We equate love with care taking and pleasing, and often bend over backwards to help, care for, attend to etc. We don’t understand, and feel resentful and hurt if our loved ones don’t appreciate our efforts (or tell us we’re treating them like children, incompetent, etc.) Caring for others is great- but unhealthy care taking shows up as controlling behavior. Worse, we can lose ourselves in the process.



Mistake #2 We expect our loved ones to think like we do, respond, speak, and act like we would in all situations. We expect them to make us happy and complete. There is no way another human being can make you happy. They can contribute, but happiness is a process that you essentially create yourself.



Mistake #3 We try to change or fix our loved ones. We may disguise this as “helping”, but we are really trying to make others be what we want them to be. In effect, we are telling them they are wrong to be the way they are. Unless their behavior is disrespectful or self destructive, it is best to accept others as they are.



Mistake #4 We criticize them and make them wrong. I cannot emphasize this point enough. It is the most destructive mistake of all. People are different. They think, respond, and act differently. Again, unless their behaviors is destructive in some way, we need to be accepting, understanding and appreciative of our differences. Or we will destroy our relationships- fast.



Mistake #5 We don’t set appropriate limits and keep healthy boundaries with our loved ones. We allow them to mistreat us and disrespect us. We don’t express our needs and desires clearly, openly and appropriately. We let things build up until we either explode or withdraw.





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© 2019 Sandra Lugo

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